The Duel::'Allo 'Allo! (series 2)
- Original airdate: 18 November 1985
- Written by: David Croft & Jeremy Lloyd
- Directed by: David Croft
- Produced by: David Croft
- Episode length: 35 minutes
René is hiding in the hen house from Monsieur Alfonse's seconds, who have come to make arrangements for the upcoming duel. Yvette informs him that the seconds are now gone. Lieutenant Gruber received them on his behalf. When René comes back into the café, he finds the colonel, the captain and the lieutenant sitting at a table, having a drink. When he learns that Gruber accepted the challenge on his behalf, he at first thinks that Gruber will fight in his place. However, Gruber informs him that he has merely agreed to be one of his seconds. René says he has no intention of fighting this duel. Edith then complains that he will humiliate her in front of her friends - she has invited the whole village to come and watch and are making plans to make money on the affair by serving food at the event. She also intends to wear all black and goes off to buy a new, black hat. René complains that she is not wasting any time anticipating the outcome of the duel. Gruber says he refused the use of swords, and agreed to pistols instead. After he has left, colonel Von Strohm informs René of his plan to save him from the duel. The next morning, when the duel is about to take place, the Germans will hold battle manoeuvres nearby with machine guns, armoured cars and troops. Just before the duel, they will "happen" to kill Monsieur Alfonse, for which they will not be punished because he is "only a Frenchman".
Herr Flick and Helga are in his headquarters, playing Monopoly. He receives a telephone call that he will soon receive a telegram. A few moments later, it is delivered by his assistant, Engelert Von Smallhausen. It is from his godfather, Heinrich Himmler, and informs him, that experts have re-assembled the blown up sausage, without finding any painting inside. He then realises that the colonel had replaced the false knockwurst (which he believes the colonel thinks contains the original painting) with an empty one to send to Berlin. Herr Flick goes to arrest the colonel and the captain, keeping Helga in his dungeon by handcuffing her to the chair, lest she try to warn the colonel.
René and Maria have a secret rendezvous in the broom cupboard under the stairs. When Edith finds them and wonders what they are doing, René says he is reprimanding Maria, since Edith does not want him to do it in front of the customers.
Monsieur LeClerc and three resistance girls are sitting in the backroom, sewing the balloon together with all the stolen silk knickers. Michelle tells René that the basket is ready to be attached to the balloon, and René tells them that they must be out of the room in ten minutes because the Germans are coming. They still need one more pair and Henriette gives up her last one. Yvette calls René into the café because there are customers coming.
Edith continues with the preparations for the duel. René informs Yvette of the Germans' plan to "take care" of Monsieur Alfonse, and she wonders whether they could "take care" of Edith at the same time. René agrees that it's a nice idea, but that it might be pushing his luck. Officer Crabtree enters the café and informs them that the British airmen are no longer dressed in their cow suit. The next moment, they both enter the café dressed as gendarmes. Since there are Germans approaching, René shows them into the backroom, where Michelle informs him that the balloon is ready and will be hidden in a barn five kilometres north of the village. When the wind is favourable, René will receive notice and guide the airmen there. Yvette comes in and tells them Herr Flick has been there, looking for the colonel. Since he has cancelled his table and ordered food to take away, René understands that Herr Flick will have dinner with Helga in his dungeon that evening.
When Herr Flick and Helga are having dinner, she is angry with him for still not freeing her because she cannot eat properly. However, Herr Flick does not believe that she does not know where the colonel and the captain are, and he also does not want her to be able to warn them. Von Smallhausen enters and informs Herr Flick that they have found the officers - out on manoeuvres.
At five o'clock the next morning, René and Edith are woken by the alarm clock for the duel which is to take place at seven o'clock. A few seconds later, somebody knocks on the café door. Edith thinks it might be somebody wanting to buy tickets to the event. René is upset that Edith has been selling tickets, but she assures him that it is only for the front row.
The girls open the door and let Gruber in. He has brought René's trousers for the occasion. He sends the girls back to bed and René puts on the trousers behind the bar. Gruber offers him his locket for good luck, but René was thinking more along the lines of a copper plate. LeClerc comes into the café, dressed up and carrying a mop and a bucket. He is to be René's other second, and is now to wash the floor as a preparation for the party after the duel.
Maria, Yvette, Edith and Fanny walk to the spot in the woods where the duel will take place. The villagers and Monsieur Alfonse and his seconds then approach from different directions. When Alfonse wants to be gallant and flatter Fanny by saying she must be Edith's sister, she thinks that his eyes are bad and offers him her opera glasses so that he will be able to see better to shoot. René gets dressed behind a tree and wears a coal scuttle under his shirt for extra protection. After Yvette and Maria have said their farewells to René, Gruber proceeds with the formalities and first asks if either party wishes to apologise. Alfonse tries to, but René will not hear of it - convinced that the Germans will "take care" of Alfonse. When the formalities are done and are ready to start, a motorcycle approaches. The driver leaves a message for Gruber, informing him that the manoeuvre has been cancelled because Von Strohm and Geering have been arrested by the Gestapo. The duel begins and the two combatants walk ten paces from each other, but René takes the opportunity to run away. Monsieur Alfonse fires at him and Fanny sees through her glasses that "his shirt is torn, he is not wounded, but there is a dent in his coal scuttle".
- Note: This episode marks the first appearance of Engelbert Von Smallhausen. Even though Herr Flick calls him "Von Smallhausen", he is only credited as "Gestapo man" in the credits.
'Allo 'Allo! (series 2) sections
Intro Six Big Boobies The Wooing of Widow Artois The Poloceman Cometh Swiftly and with Style The Duel Herr Flick's Revenge Christmas Special: The G\u00e2teau from the Ch\u00e2teau References
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