Swiftly and with Style::'Allo 'Allo! (series 2)
- Original airdate: 11 November 1985
- Written by: David Croft & Jeremy Lloyd
- Directed by: David Croft
- Produced by: David Croft
- Episode length: 35 minutes
René and Hans are heading back towards the village in Gruber's armoured car. At the same time, Gruber, Von Strohm, Herr Flick and Helga leave the café in Herr Flick's car to look for Gruber's car. Edith, Yvette and Maria follow after on three bicycles.
Michelle and her resistance girls are waiting by the road to blow up the ammunition lorry which is supposed to come by. They place a road block in the shape of a haycart. Buried in the road next to it are some explosives, managed by a plunger which looks like an ordinary bicycle pump connected by a wire. After Michelle has given the airmen (still in the cow suit) a bar of chocolate to alleviate their hunger, they hear the armoured car approaching - from the opposite direction from that from which the ammunition lorry is supposed to come. Not knowing that René and Hans are inside, they start shooting at the car once it has stopped in front of the roadblock. Hans waves a white handkerchief to surrender and after the girls have stopped shooting, he and René come out of the car. Michelle thinks René has become a traitor and a collaborator, and it does not get better when Hans tries to explain that René has helped him to blow up the train - the one the resistance refused to blow up, because they were about to blow up an ammunition lorry. When Michelle says that is the reason they are there, Hans informs her that the Germans have cancelled it, once they found out from René the resistance were going to blow it up. When René tries to explain, they hear Herr Flick's car approaching and the girls flee.
Helga stops Herr Flick's car in front of the road block (just above the explosives buried in the road). Of course, Herr Flick is curious as to why they have stolen Gruber's car, but before they can explain, Helga fills in for them, saying they overheard the plot by the resistance to blow up the ammunition lorry and therefore borrowed the car and fought off the resistance. Gruber is somewhat upset that his car is covered in dents (from the shooting) and mud. Herr Flick is not entirely convinced - not even when the colonel finds proof in the shape of the plunger a few feet away. He says it is a common device used by the resistance to blow up things, but Herr Flick thinks it is an ordinary tire pump and pushes it - resulting in his blowing up his own car. Edith and the girls, who have just caught up with them, get their clothes blown to rags. Herr Flick, Helga, the colonel, the captain, the lieutenant, and René go home in Gruber's car, while Edith, Yvette and Maria follow on their bicycles. The two airmen, observing from a distance, follow, still dressed as a cow, on a tandem cycle.
Next morning at the café, René, Edith, Yvette and Maria are having a cup of tea. Suddenly, the colonel and the captain demand entrance - dressed as civilians, even wearing false moustaches. Since the plan to blow up the train has failed and Hitler will receive the empty sausage, they have decided to flee and want René's forger to forge papers for them. The next moment, there is another knock on the door and this time it is the police. The Germans panic and hide behind the bar. When the officer is let in, it turns out to be Crabtree, greeting them with what is to become his customary phrase "Good moaning!" When he informs them that the train has been blown up, by the RAF, the Germans are relieved.
Edith brings her mother food and at the same time informs her that Monsieur Alfonse has left her a little courting gift - he will probably propose to her. Meanwhile, René and Yvette are having a secret meeting in the backroom, which is interrupted by Michelle and Crabtree knocking on the window. They inform René and Yvette that the escape package which was dropped at the same time as Crabtree, was damaged when it landed. It is a hot air balloon made of silk, and now they must get their hands on as many silk knickers as possible to mend it. Maria comes into the room and tells René that there is a hearse waiting outside.
When René comes into the café to find out what it means, Edith tells him to go away, because Monsieur Alfonse has come to court her. He also wants to ask René - whom he believes to be the brother of Edith's late husband - for Edith's hand in marriage. They sit and Monsieur Alfonse tells them of his credentials - that he has his own funeral parlour with a few hearses and some horses. He also has eight gallons of embalming fluid, and one day he aims to have his own crematorium. He gives Edith time to think it over and leaves to carry out his business. His speech is punctuated by comic pauses in inappropriate places (e.g. to drink, or to cough), which means that his listeners constantly get the wrong end of the stick.
That same night, Monsieur LeClerc sneaks around town trying to get his hands on as many silk knickers as possible.
The next day, Helga comes into the officers' office telling the colonel that her silk knickers - with the little svastikas around the edge - have been stolen. A moment later, Herr Flick enters the office and tells them that knickers are disappearing everywhere. When he hears of Helga's vanished knickers, he gets very upset. He orders the colonel and the captain to investigate it - particularly that a suspect was seen going into the backdoor of René's café.
At the café, René seems sad and lost. When Edith asks what it is, he tells her he is sad because he still loves her and now he is about to lose her and the café to another. She offers him to stay on as an employee, but he says he could not stay, knowing that his wife was married to somebody else. He even starts crying (false tears at first) and this melts Edith's heart. She asks a few questions, such as "You mean you cannot live without me?" and "Do you promise to be faithful to me?". He nods at this, still crying false tears. When she asks if he still finds her as beautiful and attractive as ever, he also nods, but now, he cries real tears. Edith then decides to say no to Monsieur Alfonse and to marry René once more. Gruber comes in with some flowers. He found them on the café's doorstep and he says they are from Monsieur Alfonse, whom he understands intends to marry Edith. When she tells him that she will marry René, Gruber, who fancies René, gets very upset and leaves the café crying. As he does so, the captain and the colonel enter, enquiring about the stolen knickers. When René has called the girls (Yvette and Maria) and Monsieur LeClerc into the café, he explains they need the silk to make a wedding dress for Edith. When the colonel asks whom she will marry, Monsieur Alfonse, who has just entered the café, says "It is I!" When Edith tells him that she has chosen René, the girls also get upset and start crying. Monseiur Alfonse thinks René has humiliated and insulted him and slaps his face with his glove - thus challenging him to a duel over Edith. When René reads his card - saying "Swiftly and With Style" - he faints.
- Note: In this episode, officer Crabtree's catchphrase "Good moaning" can be heard for the first time.
'Allo 'Allo! (series 2) sections
Intro Six Big Boobies The Wooing of Widow Artois The Poloceman Cometh Swiftly and with Style The Duel Herr Flick's Revenge Christmas Special: The G\u00e2teau from the Ch\u00e2teau References
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